It's in the stars
by destiny's hope
Summary: What happened if Bella never went to Forks at seventeen ? Join Bella now 28 moving to Forks for the first time.will her life stay the same or will fate bring her some unexpected surprises ? Is it really all in the stars... Its My First story, Please R & R
1. Chapter 1: New beginnings

As far back as I can remember, I have always considered myself to be a little strange, wierd even. Always the loner, I never could seem to find anyone who I could connect with, who understands me completely.

So I stumbled through life, hoping that I would have achieved something by now but having moved from Pheonix to Jacksonville, things changed, I changed.I did what I always did- adapted to my surroundings, became what others around of me expected me to be and I simply complied; I tried desperately to be like everyone else, and change who I was inside to suit those around me; but deep down no matter how much I laughed or felt emotions, I was always closed off inside because I simply could not relate to anybody.

Thats when I ended up with the wrong crowd, had I been more myself I would have stopped this happening but I was will-less.

Prom came, and I couldn't face the thought of attending, dancing is like some kind of torture for me. So I hid out with a lad I considered a friend, he sat there the entire time telling me how he'd liked me for ages, declaring his love for me. I was shocked and I felt kinda sorry for him so I kissed him gently, he responded far to strong and feelings swept over me for that second that I had never felt before.

I slowly laid down, my brain screaming at me to leave, but my body took over and I, for that one split second, gave myself to him.

BIG MISTAKE !!!!!!!!

Knocked up at 17, Renee couldn't believe it, after all the years I'd spent helping her through all of her problems. She never thought I'd end up in this situation especially straight out of high school.

To be fair to Greg, he stood by me the entire time, even doing "the right thing" by marrying me, I cant say this is the life I would have chosen for myself but sometimes things just happen in life and you just have accept them as a blessing, and get on with it.

So by the time I was eighteen, I was married and carrying the next two years, one became two and Benjamin, was born.

I've spent the last ten years doing everything I can do to be whats expected of me, but still that emptyness exists, eating slowly away at me.

Sometimes I barely recognise the person I've become and it haunts me a bit if I'm honest.

Still; I cannot shake off the feeling that a part of me is missing and that I've spent the last 28 years yearning, looking for that something or someone to fill the void; that emptyness that I feel inside of me.

I mean.. I should be happy.. Which, I guess I am... I could not have asked for better.

I've filled my life with wonderful children and a loving husband, but no matter how much they love me, the hole is still there and I dont know why. I mean, I love my family with all my heart and I would die for any one of them, but deep down it's not enough. I WANT MORE... Selfish isnt it? But something locked deep in my soul wants forever; eternity even and will not give up, because it knows it for a fact.

I want to wake to see someone staring back at me, someone so fasinated by me, that it would take them well over a life time to discover what it is that they were looking for, and I would be there, like a shadow following every move they made as if they were my own- standing always by their side, hand in hand forever.

For to be parted from one another, would be far too painful to bear that we would have to be almost one, our souls entwined together for history to encapsulate us in their tales and stories of how a love, so pure could survive through the ages despite everything that would stand in our way.

But alas it is but a dream, I'm sure of it. A hope that only I hold, there is no man who would want that, or me for that matter; so I've resigned myself to that fact, and instead have decided that I'm a little crazy, not men in white coat crazy, but I honestly think that my brain isn't normal.. it's constantly filled with all this wonder and possibility; it thinks about things that don't seem possible.. Or real in this life anyway- it just makes no sense at all.

I just wish I could keep a better lid on my feelings, lock them up in a little box and throw away the key. No-ones looking for me, why would they be? I have very little in the way of redeeming qualilities and if I had to describe myself it would be PLAIN. Plain Jane nothing special about me, and anyway the things I want... No, NEED just don't happen in real life, just in fiction books and fairy-taIes... But theres always a voice in the back of my mind, deep in my sub-concious that keeps me wondering and it just refuses to give up on the dream.

Why oh why cant I just be normal?!

Time keeps on moving though, and things were changing fast these days; and as I sat there staring out of the airplane window.. Slowly leaving the hot, sunny weather of Florida, and my old way of life behind. I wondered just what Forks would be like these days, I know I hadn't been to see Charlie in years, he'd always visit us, keen to respect the way I used to feel about Forks in the past.

I still wondered if it had changed as much as my life had over the last 28 years, or if perhaps it had stayed exactly the same as if some kind of bubble had wrapped itself around it, preserving it almost. _The place that time forgot._ I chuckled to myself.

Charlie seemed ecstatic that we were moving so close. whenever he called all he talked about was what we'll all be doing when we get there "Greg will be able to come fishing with me down at the Res," he would say or "The kids will love the beach down at La Push." but he and I both knew that I would find it the hardest to move back to Forks, how could I not? My mother hated it so much here- she walked out with me when I was little, she couldn't handle small town life, I suppose.

I hoped that I would find it easier than Renee did, but who knows? I've never really fit in anywhere, anyway.

Greg's company had just expanded and they had an opening for a manager at their new Port Angeles branch. I wanted to stay where we was, but it was a huge step up for him and besides, I _would_ be closer to Charlie. He seemed thrilled about his new job, and I wasn't going to spoil it for him. _Whatever makes him happy,_ I thought- but I really needed to be able to believe that for myself. "We will be happy here" was all I could say.

From the moment we landed, I knew what I had to look forward to RAIN and lots of it... I didn't particularly like the rain- it made me miserable; but I put a brave face on things, and tried to be positive.

It didn't take long to find our new home, and as we drove up to it I noticed how much it resembled Charlie's house, I was surprised by how much I liked the house and to my shock, the beautiful sea of green that was awash in this area took me unawares. I had a feeling I was going to love it here.

It didnt take long to get in the swing of things and today was much like any other day I had since I'd been in Forks. Same routine, same chores to do. "Nothing special then... typical" I said to myself, as I did the laundry. I had started to notice that I was caught up in thought a lot more frequently these days- it seemed like I talked to myself (or my mind) most of the day. _I must be going mad _I thought, I shook my head "snap out of it woman" I told myself furiously.

How can I carry on driving myself mad, scouring my brain sub-conciously for something, but never knowing what to look for and where to find it? Simply what to believe is fact or purely a figment of my imagination. Sometimes I wish I had a switch, so I could turn off all my thoughts even just for a day, so I could have at least a bit of peace.

I have been finding it hard to stay asleep since moving here, for as soon as I wake, my brains there- in full force scanning mode, tearing through my innermost thoughts, deciphering any possible reality to them, but the more I think, the more of a blur it becomes, then confusion turns into despair and my stomach starts turning in knots.

I was determined that tonight I WOULD sleep, and my brain would no longer keep me up, so resolute and absolutely determined not to let my brain defeat me, I slowly drifted into a sleep-like state..

And then, just then- I saw him...


	2. Chapter 2 : Dreams

I looked up and I was outside, darkness surrounding me from every possible angle, then he appeared, I couldn't see his face as had his back to me but he seemed to have a kind of aura around him, a kind of luminous light shining all around him almost like an angel and he was shimmering in the moonlight. I stared at him for a while as I was so captivated by his presence that it was hard to do anything else.

Fog seemed to appear out of nowhere clouding my vision making it almost impossible to see him anymore, I slowly moved forward trying to keep him in my sights desperate to see his face, but each and every step forward I made only seemed to make him more distant, so I started to run, chasing after him like wiley-coyote chases after roadrunner but of course with the same outcome, he was always faster than me.

However the most shocking thing was not the vision, but the feeling...it was something I'd never felt before but my body was screaming, yelling at him to come back to me, I couldn't put my finger on what it was and I couldn't describe the feeling properly to myself.

Then suddenly the scene changed, I was standing on a long hallway with several doors on each side.I walked up slowly to the first and opened the door, there in the room was me when I was little with Renee and Charlie, it looked like it was Christmas Day as I could see decorations and presents under the tree. It was kind of distorted, almost like it was being watched off an old home movie or something.

I walked out and started opening the other doors one by one, next was one when I was about eight, down by the tidepools on First Beach, then the next High School, prom with Greg, our wedding day, both Beth and Benjamin's birth, family holidays we'd had together.

All my most cherished memories were all contained inside of the doors in the hallway. Just then I looked up and there was one single door at the end of the hallway, I tried the handle but it was locked.

I tried to look through the keyhole but it was all a blur, and then like out of thin air I could hear something. Music filled the air, intoxicating me with it's melody. I tried hard to see if I could recognise the tune, I didn't know it but it sounded beautiful, truely stunning I have never heard anything like it before.

Then I heard his voice, I didn't recognise that either but the words filled my ears and it felt for just one minute like the words were meant just for me, they were travelling through my veins at what felt like the speed of sound heading straight for my heart, it was like it was wrote for only my soul to hear.

A wave of emotions swept quickly over me and I was suprised at how strong the feelings were for a dream and before I knew what I was doing I began pounding on the door.

" Hello " I said, my voice tense "can you hear me?", but no-one answered and the more I knocked and called the more prominent my heart had become, like almost my heart needed to be in that room more than me.

I began shaking the door handle violently trying with all the power I had in me to try and open it, but it was no use the harder I tried the softer and more distant the voice became. Defeated, I slowly slid down the door and sat in a heap resting my head against it.I didn't even realise I was crying until my hands were wet with warm, salty tears that were now streaming down my face.

"come back " I whispered angrily at the door, as the music faded away into the night, and still, I sat there in silence broken, resigned to the fact that it was gone and I may never feel that way again, ever.

Suddenly I was awake, light filled the bedroom, but I did not care. I got up with a dull headache and an numb heart still not understanding clearly what just happened.I grabbed a towel and headed quietly for the bathroom trying hard not to disturb anyone.

I spent the next hour in bathroom trying desperatly to unravel, what was without a doubt the strangest dream I've ever had but it seemed the harder I tried to think, the less there was to remember, it was fading away so fast...too fast for me and my heart began to ache.

I returned to my bedroom and at that point Beth And Ben were in the room like a flash, jumping on the bed laughing. I smiled at them and gave them a hug, "Right " I said " come on you two time for breakfast "

I made my way downstairs and got the cereal out of the cupboard and then it hit me like a truck, That feeling I'd had in my dream was gone completely,snatched away from me like it never existed in the first place, like I'd never felt it at all.

My stomach began twisting up in knots and I started to feel queesy.

"get a grip" I mumbled to myself quietly, so the kids wouldn't here me. I mean it was only a dream.

" It was only a dream " I said to myself again, trying even harder to make myself believe it though it was no use, by now my brain was in full attack mode again, going through each and every last detail it could remember, which was fading by the second.

"It's going to be a long day " I sighed.

I found myself spending the day in a daze, I didn't really seem there, I was there in body going through the motions, doing everything that I was so used to doing each and every day

I can only describe it as been on seemed different though, almost like I wasn't really there, just watching it from the outside. It was kind of disorientating and I didn't like it, I felt like I was zombified almost my mind felt like it was somewhere else completely.I wasn't used to feeling like this so I was a little worried, luckily, what with the move and all, everyone was far more pre-occupied with their own things that no-one seemed to notice and I was relieved.

I spent my time staring into nothing-ness waiting and hoping for something, maybe some kind of devine intervention to come and knock me out of it, but it didn't, and that night for the first time in my life i had the same dream, well not _exactly_ the same because I never tried the doors I had previously opened, I was instantly drawn to that locked room but when I reached the door and heard that music again that sounded so familiar, although I could not identify it. Instead of knocking or shouting, I just sat by the door and listened, trying to hang on to each note and word that eminated from the room, slowly but surely that feeling returned to my body once more, like a thief in the night, filling my heart with seemed to be coursing through my veins, pumping through my heart and soul making me feel more alive than I had ever felt in reality.

The realisation suddenly swept through me, I knew what the feeling was, it was like I felt utterly complete for the first time, like I felt whole almost. As the music still lingered in the air, I breathed in and felt the emotion in the words running through me and a calm-ness that I hadn't felt in a long time, if at all, swept over me. Euphoria cam next and I suddenly longed to see behind the door. I stood up and turned the handle.

I slowly opened the door and a light hit me so bright that I couldn't see, I squinted trying desperately to see past the brightness but then I opened my eyes to see the sun blazing through the curtians, blinding me.

"that's it " I thought I must be really going mad "


	3. Chapter 3 : anyway the wind blows

I'd decided that the only way to get through the day would be to keep myself as busy as possible, Greg had already left for work, he had to work a lot longer hours now he was manager, which meant he was at work most days before I was even awake and wasn't home until late. I knew if this was in Jacksonville I would have been furious with all the hours he'd been working; but for some reason I was strangely serene about it, Greg knew better than to talk about it unless he wanted a fight, so the topic never came up, and that was probably for the best- as I knew if he brought it up, I would never be able to explain myself.

The kids were loving life in Forks, I've never seen them so happy. They've made countless numbers of friends, and they absolutely adored their new school.

The kids were up by now happily eating some toast with jelly, looking forward to going to their new friends house for the day.

" Beth...Ben are you ready yet?" I shouted up to them, "In a minute, Mom!" they bellowed back to me full of enthusiasm.

I filled up the sink with water and quicky washed the breakfast pots. "Were ready." Beth said suddenly behind me, I turned around and grabbed my coat "You don't need a coat, Mom.." Ben said "..It looks really nice outside " I looked outside and he was right, the sky was a lovely blue colour and not a cloud in sight. "Ok. " I conceded, taking my coat back off and placing it back on the hanger.

"OK... lets go." I mumbled to them.

We left the house, locking the door behind us and headed to the black sedan parked in the drive, which was now mine since Greg got his new company car.

I opened the rear doors and strapped Ben and Beth in the back, then I carefully got in and made my way into Forks.

The children were going to see there new friends, Carrie-ann and Aaron, they were twins who were just shy of a year younger than Beth. They all got on surprising well and had lots of things in common.

I slowly pulled up to their house and the kids jumped out of the car and ran to the front door, I got out and hurridly tried to catch up to them.

The door opened and a smartly dressed lady answered the door "Hello, you two" she cooed kindly, then looked up to me, I smiled and held out my hand "Hi.." I said casually "..I'm Bella, thanks so much for inviting Beth and Ben over to play."

"No problem" she answered, smiling warmly "My names Jessica- Jessica Stanley, and I'm sure you'll just love it here.." she gushed "Me and my husband Mike have lived here all our lives, and its the best place in the world to bring up children. "

I smiled kindly back, but I was really quite annoyed, _how would she know if this is the best place to live? _I thought to myself, _having never actually lived anywhere else but here_.

"So what time shall I pick them up?" I asked, trying not to let my annoyance show up in the tone of my voice.

"Bout 6ish" she countered calmly. "Ok then... See you at six, have fun!" I added.

Beth rushed up to me and gave me kiss and a hug "BYE!" they bellowed as they ran back to the back garden.

I returned back to the Sedan, climbed in and made my way to the centre of Forks to the Thrifty, the only convienience store in Forks, to pick up some essentials.

I drove up and slowly parked the car in the only available space just off the sidewalk, got out and entered the store, I meandered around the store as lethargically as I could, trying to pass as much time as possible. I made sure to go down every aisle purposefully and spent as much time as possible looking randomly at the vast array of products been sold.

I decided to make steak and salad for dinner, and also thought it would be good to bake some bread,_ just what i need to take my mind off things_ I thought to myself, _it takes absolutely ages to make, and theres nothing better than the smell of fresh bread baking. _

I picked up the ingredients and smooched over to the till quickly glancing through the magazines near the counter.

"That'll be thirty dollars and twenty-four cents." chirped the clerk, smiling at me. I gave him the money and set off out of the store.

As I got outside I noticed instantly that the weather was changing, big grey clouds were sweeping over the sky, filling it with the misery that was suddenly washing over me. I knew it wouldn't last I thought to myself triumphantly,.

I'd reached the sedan by now and was fumbling around trying to get my keys out of my pocket unsucessfully, a big gust of wind blew in my direction, blowing my hair straight into my face, impairing my vision. I instinctively turned my head to escape it when behind me I heard a CRASH.. I quickly turned around to see a silver Volvo crashed into the front of my sedan, I looked to see a young man staring at me, his furiously deep black eyes burning a hole through me.

I looked away, redness naturally filling my cheeks, _why do I get embarressed so easily?_

I laid my shopping carefully on the floor and approached the Volvo "Are you O.k?" I asked apprehensively, resting my arms on the Volvo's open window.

"Yes.. Fine thankyou " he barked aggressively. I stood there staring at him, He was very handsome, un-naturally handsome almost, and i found it difficult to escape his gaze.

The wind blew again and my hair swept across my face, I lifted my hand to brush it back into place and glanced at him again, smiling. He seemed really agitated, his hands were clenched into fists on the steering wheel, and he'd turned his head away from me in what can only be described as disgust. Instantly upset, I edged backwards slowly, moving quietly away from the Volvo, "Sorry" was the only word that would come out of my mouth, with that he reversed quickly and before I could blink he was gone.

I went to the front of my car, not quite sure what had just happened and saw a small dent in the bumper, _at least theres no real damage _I thought to myself and returned to where I had earlier placed my shopping, I picked it up, placing it on the passenger seat and got in the car, as I drove home my mind was playing back the whole incident, _he was so rude _I thought, _how could he just sit there angry at me when he crashed into me?, _Rage was starting to bubble under my skin,_ why did he look at me like that _I wondered? I couldn't understand it, we were complete strangers, you can't _hate _some-one you don't know...can you_?._ Before I knew it I was home, I looked at the clock on the dashboard 12:49, Oh great I thought just another 5 hours to fill before I have to pick the kids up.

I got out the car and headed for the front door, once inside I placed the shopping on the counter.

_"AARGGH_" I ranted at myself , Why was I letting a complete strangers behaviour affect me so much, I thought to myself.

The afternoon dragged by, even baking bread seemed quicker than when I had made it before, and before I knew it I was thinking about him again, but my mood had changed from that of anger to curiousity and strangely enough fascination. I wondered what was on _his_ mind, how he was feeling right now and if he was thinking about me as much as I was thinking about him and most importantly how I'd upset him.

I couldn't even understand quite why I was thinking about him so much, I mean, I'd never even seen him before today, I didn't even know his name, at that point my stomach started twisting up inside and I felt instantly uneasy, I'd had felt this feeling before, but usually after one of _those _dreams. A slow realisation started to come over me that, although I'd never seen him before I started to recognise his voice, I know he'd barely spoken a word to me but for some reason I was becoming certain that I knew that voice from somewhere, I couldn't yet work out how. Then from out of nowhere a flood of emotions came over me and I could feel myself beginning to well up, then the tears started to fall slowly at first, then faster they came filling my clasped hands up like a well, I was surprised by the force of the tears as I still didn't really know why I was crying or why I was even upset. I felt helpless to control my emotions so I sat there for a while just letting them flow as they wished.

I glanced up to the clock on the kitchen wall 5:45, " Crap!" I yelled, now I'm going to be late to pick the kids up, I quickly picked up my coat and car keys off the couter and headed out of the door.

I had managed to compose myself by the time I reached Jessica's house, I rushed out of the car and sprinted to the front door. I knocked once and Jessica had answered. " Hi, sorry I'm late " I said quickly

"It's fine" replied Jessica "they've all had a wonderful time." , with that Beth and Ben came bounding towards the door, arms sprawled out ready hug me. I bent down and gave them both a huge hug,

"Hi you two" I gushed happily " are you ready to go, now?". Both of them nodded their heads in agreement and thanked Jessica for having them."Thanks so much for having them round" I said gratefully

"No probs- anytime" she replied"Oh and I was thinking.." she continued "..we were planning on having a little get-together next weekend, inviting the locals round for a barb-e or something if your interested ? "

"Sure... why not?" I replied trying to sound excited, which obviously I wasn't, parties of any kind scare me enough as it is, without me not actually knowing anybody who will be there.

"Great" she beamed "Next saturday then, shall we say 6 ish",

"Great" I repeated "See you next week then, bye." I turned around making my way back to the car where the kids were already waiting patiently .

"Oh by the way.." she added "..Don't forget to invite Charlie and family, will you". I nodded in agreement and slipped into the front seat of the car and drove off.

I pulled into the drive and rushed the kids inside, eager to get the steak marinading, which I'd forgotton to do earlier. The kids ran to the flatscreen and turned on some cartoons and sat in a heap on the floor, I left them to it while I continued preparing dinner.

Greg returned home slightly earlier than usual, whistling as he walked through the door

"Hi hun" he called and gave me a kiss on the forehead

"Hi" I mumbled back "Dinner will be ready in five" with that he made his way to the table and sat down.

"DAD !" the kids bellowed in unison rushing over to the table to give him a hug.

I served up the steak and salad and placed the plates on the table, then I sliced up the fresh bread and placed it on a plate in the middle of the table. "mmmm fresh bread " Greg quipped tucking into a large crust.

We talked menially through tea about how each of our days had been, I neglected to tell him about the incident outside the store and instead told him about Jessica's party next week, which he was really happy about, that was Greg though, always the eternal optimist.

By the time I'd finished the dishes, it was time for the kids bath, which conviently Greg had already run for them. I went up and washed their hair, making sure they both had brushed their teeth too, and tucked them in bed. Exhausted from their fun-filled day, I kissed them each gently on their forehead and whispered "Goodnight".

I went to our bedroom where Greg was getting ready for bed and began brushing my hair vigorously, trying to detangle it as quickly as I , I looked out of the window and there in the darkness, standing on the very edge of the garden, near the forest, he stood. The moonlight was eminating seductively off every part of his body. I couldn't move, I stood there gazing at this incredible being, the anger towards him that I had felt earlier had gone completely by now and all I felt was awe, I was in awe of this beautiful creature who had crashed into my car and made me cry, it did not matter anymore. I was instantly happy.

"Bells " Greg chuckled, looking at me sheepishly "You coming to bed, hun".With that I turned to see Greg in bed with the cover held open for me. I sighed and glanced back out of the window, but just like a thief in the night, he was gone.


	4. Chapter 4 : The party

That night I dreamt about him again, I walked into the room and there he was playing the piano as usual, no brightness filled the room this time, and I could see him clearly for the first time.

He was a young man, who looked no older than twenty-one maybe, with black but slightly bronzed unkempt hair; the kind models had to make them appear less than perfect.

His face was spectacular, his pale skin stretched tightly to his face, making every feature of his face stand out even more, his eyes were wide, filled with wonder and his lips looked so smooth and tender that they almost called to you to be kissed. As I looked at him more carefully I realised that I had seen this very person before, It was the young man who crashed into my car only earlier today.

I sat down in the far corner of the room, scared that I would frighten him off again and stared longingly at him as he played, suddenly he looked up and smiled at me, instantly butterflies rushed to my stomach by their thousands, filling my entire body with wanton rushed to my cheeks, filling them with a crimson glow.

_Was I in heaven? _I thought, _Was he an angel sent down to guide me out of this very existance?. _I had never felt so alive before, Is this normal?

I felt like all the things that had been missing, lost from me for my entire life had returned.

He began playing the piano and my heart started racing, faster and faster. My heart was suddenly overwhelmed with longing and desire, I wanted so desperately to walk up to him and gently stroke his face, run my fingers through his hair, to talk to each other for hours, to find out every last thing about him, every last detail, down to his most deepest and darkest thoughts.

I could feel something deep down in my soul dragging me to him, some invisible force pulling me towards him, almost like I was drawn to him like a magnet. My body wanted to just go up to him, wrap myself around him and never let go, I would be his shadow.

I struggled with these feelings but did not act on them, instead I just sat there and soaked in every last emotion, thought, every thing about him from his black-bronze tinted hair, to his angelic face which was perfectly smooth and white, almost like it was carved out of stone, the way he smiled at me, the brilliant whiteness of his teeth, his stature and grace but most of all, his eyes, his deep black eyes that almost seemed to be glistening with gold around the edges, filled with a hundred and one emotions but behind that, like looking into ones soul, I could see a sadness in his eyes, a kind of loneliness that I recognised because I saw it in my eyes whenever I looked in the mirror.

I closed my eyes content, and I awoke with a jump. It was morning, I turned over to see Greg was already gone, I yawned and got up, It was back to the typical weather for Forks, Rain, it was pouring it down, big splodges of water was dripping down from the window like tears.

I put my dressing gown on and headed downstairs, It was time to phone Charlie, not something I particularly was looking forward to, me and Charlie never really talked much in the past, he was always here if I needed him but he wasn't the conversationalist type.

Besides Charlie has his own life to lead, he's been married to Sue Clearwater for 5 years now, Charlie has known Sue for years, Sues late husband Harry, was one of Charlies old fishing buddies and when he died, Charlie helped Sue through her darkest hour and they fell in love. Sue seemed a nice person, really warm and kind, she also has two children Leah and Seth, who I must admit I dont know much, It felt kind of strange having new siblings at my age but they were grown up and had their own lifes too.

Leah is a kindergarten teacher on the reservation and is dating some lad called Jacob, whom I vaguely remembered from my visits here as a child, as his dad Billy, is Charlies best friend from ever since I can remember. He's a mechanic now who owns his own business. Seth is slightly younger and he designs surfboards, he seems pretty cool.

I'm really happy that Charlie has found someone, he deserves it, I dont suppose life has been easy for him in the past, especially after Renee left with me all those years ago. I feel quite guilty that I never spent more time here with him when I was younger, but new beginnings and all meant that I now had plently of time to try and make up for that.

I've only met Leah and Seth once, at Charlie and Sue's wedding and I got the impression that they didn't like me that much. They didn't speak to me once, but Jacob came over and talked to me, he seemed like a nice person, he had long brown hair which almost looked like a mane and deep brown eyes, his smile was warm and cheerful, he seemed like someone I could get on with, but whenever i glanced towards Leah she seemed to snarl at me, her eyes fierce. So I made my excuses and left.

I picked up the phone and speed-dialed Charlies number, "Hello" Sue answered

"Oh.. Hi Sue, Its Bella here" I mumbled down the line.

"Hello, Bella dear" she replied warmly "How are you?"

"Fine thanks Sue, I'm calling because I saw Jessica Stanley the other day and she asked me to invite you all to her party on Saturday" I added.

"Oh, that would be great, I'll let Charlie know and I'll phone Leah and Seth tonight, see if they want to come" She said sounding genuinely excited "what time?"

"erm... bout 6ish" I answered

"Ok then Bella, honey we'll see you on Saturday....bye" she responded

"bye, Sue" I replied.

The next few days were filled with the kids getting excited about what they were going to wear for Jessica's party and what games they were going to play, I was trying to pretend Saturday didn't exist, I didn't share the same enhusiaism for parties that my children do, I am not a party person, apart from the fact I cant dance, I'm not very good at meeting new people, especially with my tendency to blush at the slightest of things, so I had already decided to simply slip into the background, by hiding at the back of the garden or something, less people to speak to the better, I'll leave the mingling to Greg.

Before I knew it, it was Saturday. The kids were up especially early, excited about their first party in Forks, so I spent most of the morning sorting out everybodies outfits. Beth was wearing a lovely lilac satin dress, with flowered embroidery and sequins which glistened it the light. Ben had black trousers and a beige, long sleeved roll neck top, Greg some vintage style jeans and a red sweatshirt and I was going as casual as possible in black trousers and a pink and white pin-stripe shirt. After I had pressed the clothes ready for later, I began preparing lunch making simple sandwiches for everyone, anytime I glanced at either the kids or Greg they would be huddled together whispering to each other, _they're plotting something _I thought, usually I would have been annoyed at, been kept in the dark from something but there was so much to do today, that I didn't have time for distracions.

"Lunch... you guys" I bellowed hoping to distract them from whatever they were up to,

"Great" They replied sheepishly

After Lunch I set about putting Beths beautiful blonde locks into ringlets, I started early because of the time they take to do, and also hoping to take my mind off later. before I knew it, it was gone 5 and time to start getting ready. I rushed to the bathroom and started the shower, it took a while to get warm but once it did the hot steaming water, trickling down every part of my body made me feel better, I started to relax, letting the water invigorate me into life. I turned it off and jumped out quickly, making my way out of the door and into my bedroom. As I opened the door I noticed Greg, Beth and Ben giggling, stood there with something behind their backs.

"Da da" they shouted in unison and revealed and dress bag and a shoe box.

"Wow...You guys, you shouldn't have" I shrieked trying to feign surprise, _so this is what they were plotting_ I thought.

I gently grabbed the dress bag and laid it carefully on the bed, slowly unzipping it to reveal a stunningly elegant red chiffon dress, it was strappy and tight at the top, which tapered out at the waist, flaring down to just above my knee.

"Wow" I repeated, stunned "Its absolutely beautiful", I looked at Greg speechless, a huge smirk was on his face.

"Try it on" Beth beckoned, eyes wide with excitement.

I removed it from the hanger and slipped it on, it fit perfectly, I turned and looked in the mirror

"ugh... no chance of blending into the background tonight" I murmered to myself, hoping that no-one else heard me.

"Now the shoes, Mom" Ben insisted. I opened the shoe box to find a matching pair of red sequined shoes, I placed them slowly onto my feet.

"Perfect" Greg gushed, obviously pleased with himself.

"Thanks, you guys" I cried, trying to sound as happy as I could.

I quickly brushed my damp hair, put some lip gloss on and headed downstairs where everyone was waiting for me.

"Lets go" Greg yelled, looking at the clock "we're late"

I looked up at the clock, it was 6:10. I nodded in agreement and headed out of the door.

Ten minutes later we where there, lots of cars lined either side of the street and Jessicas house was lit up, sparkling lights hung from the trees up to the veranda. We walked up to the door and Jessica had already answered it before we got there.

"Hi, everyone" Jessica chirped "dont you just look wonderful" she smiled looking at me, then Beth and me again "Come in, please...everybodys out back, if you would like to go through"

we all looked up, smiled and followed Jessica through the house and into the back garden.

The back garden was filled with people talking and laughing huddled together in small groups, I glanced around trying to see if there was anyone I knew, scores of people none of whom I recognised filled my vision as I scanned, and there stood at the back of the garden just on the edge of the forest, was that same young man who had been haunting my recent dreams. He was stood there, with two other people, a boy and a girl who looked his age also. They all appeared to be staring in different directions, completely ignoring one another.I found it strangely fascinating to watch and slightly hypnotic as I stood there helplessly gazing in their direction.

"Bella" I heard a voice from behind me say, I turned to see Jessica, a drink held out in her hand for me.

"Thanks Jess" I sighed, disappointed that I had been interrupted. With that Jessica grabbed hold of my hand and started dragging me towards the middle of the garden

"There are some people I want you to meet" she gushed as she walked up to a smartly dressed couple. "This is Dr Carlisle Cullen and his wife Esme. Dr Carlisle is one the best Doctors in the country".

I looked at them aghast, they were very beautiful, their skin was pale but perfect in every other way, I felt slightly intimidated by them and as usual my cheeks gave me away, glowing now a subtle shade of red. They smiled warmly at me and I felt instantly calm.

"Hello" said Carlisle, voice smooth as silk. I blushed again, overwhelmed by the sound of his voice.

"Hel...Hi" was all I could say. Carlisle glanced at Esme and they smiled at each other lovingly.

"So" I croaked trying to regain some kind of composure "Have you lived in Forks long?"

"About 5 years" Carlisle recalled "We moved here because Esme just loved the place and the kids seemed to like it" turning and pointing in the direction of him and the others.

"kids" I inquired surprised

"Yes, me and my wife found out we couldn't have any children of our own, so we decided to adopt, Edward joined us when he was eight and then Alice and Jasper. we also have two other children Emmet and Rosalie but they are travelling Europe at the moment."

I turned my head to look at them again, but they were all looking at me now, Alice smiled at me warmly and waved, I waved back not wanting to appear rude. Jasper looked at me strangely, like he was scared and Edward, the one in my dreams was looking quite peculiarly at me, one eyebrow raised, almost like I had spilt something down me. I instinctivly looked down at my dress but it was perfect, I glared back at him, annoyance clear in my face, and he was laughing, obviously amused by my behaviour.

I looked back at Carlisle, hoping I would think of something to say in return, when Ben came running over to me

"Mom, Mom you've got to come Beths crying"

"Whats wrong" I answered instantly concerned

"Just come quick" He asserted, dragging me away by the hand.

"Nice to meet you" I grinned. Ben lead me away and pulled me to where Beth was sobbing away by the side of the house , huddled in the corner.

"Whats wrong, sweetie" I whispered holding my arms out to hug her.

"I've ruined it" she shrieked, looking at me, her face sodden with tears.

"Whats happened" I replied, sympathetically

"Carrie-Ann dared me to climb that tree over there" she confessed, pointing over to a tree at the back of the garden " I got up fine, but I couldn't get down again" tears beginning to stream down her face again "Carrie kept teasing me to jump, so I did, but my dress got caught." Beth turned around and from the waist down her dress was torn.

I smiled at Beth and chuckled "Its ok sweetheart, it was an accident"

Beth looked up at me embarressed "But...I cant go back in there". Sensing what Beth was getting at and glad that I too would be able to leave the party, I suggested that we leave.

"Thanks Mom" Beth said giving me a huge hug. I scooped her up into my arms and quickly found Greg, who was convieniently talking to Jess and Mike.

"We have to go" I huffed, telling Greg about Beth's little accident. Greg responded quickly and we headed for the door, making our apologies as we went.

"No problems" Jess enthused "See you soon"

Outside it had started to mist, fog was sweeping in over the sky like a got in the car and started to drive home, Greg insisted on driving like usual and I didn't argue.

We continued down the road and Greg turned to look at me, with a huge smile on his face

"I'm glad I bought that dress" He mused smugly "It looks wonderful on you".

I smiled back and looked back towards the road, there standing only metres away from us in the middle of the road, was a deer.

"LOOK OUT" I yelled out, Gregs gaze returned to the road, eyes suddenly wide with fear he turned the steering wheel hard, desperatly trying to swerve out of the missed the deer by a matter of inches, a huge sigh of relief swept over me, but only for a second as suddenly the deer was not the problem any more, we had veered off the road and was heading straight towards a large tree.

I awoke to the mindless drone of a horn, for a split second wondering where I was. I slowly turned my head to the left and saw Greg, he was crumpled over the steering wheel,blood covering his face. I shook him violently, screaming at him to wake up, but he didn't move. I started to smell petrol and looked up to see a small fire under the crumpled hood. Hysterically, I turned to see the kids, a sharp pain in my stomach immobilized me, stopping me from getting to them, I screamed their names repeatedly, but they didnt answer.I struggled desperately to unfasten my seat belt, eventually managing to free it, with only one thing on my mind; to get us out before its too late. I tried to move towards the back seat, but the pain was overwhelming.

Suddenly out of nowhere, the rear door flung open and in a flash Beth was gone, I looked over to Ben to see his door open and he was gone too. "My babies!" I yelled at the top of my voice, suddenly my door opened and I saw him, my angel trying to free me from the car, he lifted me up and the pain was excrutiating, as I slipped into unconciousness the last thing I heard was a loud explosion.


	5. Chapter 5 : To all thats left behind

It was a strange feeling, I could vaguely here peoples muttered voices around, Charlie, Renee, Sue and even Dr Cullen. All popping in and out of my head and I could hear a constant beep...beep...beep sound, but I could not seem to open my eyes, no matter how hard I tried they just would not open. Nor could I seem to speak, but I tried to focus on whatever outside sound I could for whenever I drifted into a dream-like state, my head would be filled with horror, my dream filled with screaming, fire burning, the smell of gasoline tainting my throat, blood everywhere, panic clear in my voice, pain oh, incredible pain resonsating from my body, the fear when I see my children are gone, my angel lifting me away and the last thing of all a faint sound of an explosion. So I tried as hard as I could to stay awake, even if I wasn't really awake, anything but the dreams will do.

Suddenly I could here a different voice, one I had heard before but not was the voice of my angel, what I wouldn't give to have one of those dreams I thought, an instant surge of calm overwhelmed me as he spoke, I could not clearly understand what he was saying, but it sounded like Charlie was talking to Dr Cullen and him, _what was his name again_, I couldnt remember at this point in time nor could I seem to be able to focus my mind well enough to think of what it was. I laid there defeated.

It felt like days had past before suddenly, without warning my eyes sprung open, catapulting me into a brightly lit room, I laid there blinking feverently for a while making sure that I was indeed awake. I tried to speak but there was something in my throat, obstructing me. I started coughing and choking, trying with the little strength I had in me to lift my arm and pull at whatever was in my throat, I was starting to panic and the beeping on the machine was racing now, seemingly following my aggitataion.

Suddenly I heard a ladies voice, I think she was tring to calm me down, I pointed the best I could to the thing I had been trying to get out my throat, and I think she must have guessed what I wanted, as instantly I felt something been slowly been pulled out through my throat.

I took a huge gasp of air, it flowed cooly into my body and I felt a little light -headed.

I tried to speak, but "wh.....wher....m" is all I could manage to get out. The lady spoke quietly to me "Its ok dear, your in the hospital"

"hos...pi..tal?" I just about croaked back

The lady picked up a glass of water, bent over me, and gave me a sip. The cool iced water trickled down my throat, instantly relieving the soreness. " yes, you've been in an accident dear, but its alright"

My mind started reeling from the information, accident, hospital ?, I was confused why cant I remember anything. I tried to sit up, but a sharp pain rushed to my stomach, "ahhhh" I winced

"Dont try and move dear" she muttered "the doctor will be here to see you shortly, he will explain everything then".I tried to smile at her and winced again. Then she left.

I laid there staring at the ceiling for hours, but it felt like days. I kept trying to remember any details that I could, but they were all fragmented, like an unfinished jigsaw, all there somewhere, but jumbled up so much that I cant work out what goes where.

I can remember Jessicas party, fire, Beths dress been torn, driving home, the Cullens, Greg looking at me smiling, My new dress, blood splatters on it, screaming and something else, I squinted my eyes trying to focus on the blurred image in my head, and then it hit me.. it was the face of a deer and with that the pieces of the jigsaw fell into place instantly.

"Where are they !" I shrieked, panic taking over me "Where is Greg, and the kids...are they o.k"

Suddenly Charlie was by my side, he grabbed hold of my hand and squeezed it tightly, relief clear in his face but only for a brief moment, he sat down on the edge of the bed, and stroked my hair gently. "Oh Bella" he sighed "I'm so glad your awake, we thought we'd lost you there for a minute", his expression changed as soon as he had said it, his face suddenly fraught with grief.

"Are they o.k" I repeated softly, anxiety creeping over me by the second.

"The kids are fine" he replied "Beth has whiplash and a few cuts and bruises, Ben has a few stitches from a cut on his arm and light concussion"

"and Greg, is he o.k?" I asked. Charlies face drained of colour and he glanced at the floor. Instantly I begen sobbing uncontrollably, tears streaming down my face and off my chin like a waterfall.

His silence filled the room and I already knew the answer.

The whole incident immediately started playing in my mind, clear now for the first time. It was foggy, the deer in the middle of the road, that seemed to come out of nowhere. Greg swerving to avoid it, the tree hurtling towards us. Waking to see Greg's blood stained face and my unsuccesful attempt at waking him, the pain, the kids disappearing in front of my eyes and my angel saving me. "wh..what happened" I stuttered inbetween my hysterical, unstoppable blubbing.

" Well" Charlie began, taking a deep breath. " It looks like you crashed into a tree, luckily, Dr Cullen and his family were driving past when they saw your car on fire. Carlisle grabbed Beth and Ben and Edward helped free you from the passenger seat, you were apparently quite trapped, anyway Edward had just got you safe from the wreckage when the petrol tank exploded" he paused "there just wasn't enough time" he looked up to me, his face grief stricken.

I turned my head away, one hundred and one emotions sweeping over me at once, flooding my senses, leaving me numb. Charlie just sat there on the edge of my bed stroking my hair, tears beginning to show in his eyes, and I could imagine he was hanging on by a thread as much as me. Denial washed over me and for a while and I found that I couldn't think straight

"no" was the only thing that would murmer out of my mouth._ no, no, no_, I thought repeatedly in my head _it can't be true,it just can't... Its not real, I must be dreaming_. I could feel myself beginning to become hysterical again, my heartbeat began racing faster and faster and I began to feel light-headed, Charlies frantic voice calling for the nurse was the last thing I heard.

I awoke to see Dr Cullen standing over me, "How are you feeling" he said quietly in his usual sleek tone.

"Terrible" I replied softly, throat still slightly sore.

"Well..you have a few broken ribs, one of which ruptured your spleen,so we had to operate to stop the bleeding, you also have some cuts to your face and a few fractured bones in your foot" he continued "but nothing that wont heal in a few weeks"

"How long have I been in here for?" I asked, concerned

"Nearly three weeks" he replied quickly "you had us quite worried there for a while"

"Beth and Ben?" I enquired

"There fine, Renee is looking after them at your house" he sighed, looking at me seriously "of course their still understandably in shock and slightly traumatised by the whole incident" he paused " Bens been having nightmares, and Beth...well Beths devestated, Renee's doing what she can and shes got lots of support from Charlie and Sue"

"What happened exactly?" I asked

"Well, all I know is that we were driving home from the party when we saw a crashed car on fire, I rushed to the rear to see Beth and Ben in the back unconcious..you were screaming, hysterically. Edward rushed over to help me and yanked your door open, your foot was trapped and he struggled to free you" he paused for a while

"and" I questioned

" He managed to free your foot just enough to get you out, he started to carry you to our car when..." he fell silent, gazing at me intently, empathy sweeping across his face

"When it blew up" I finished, hardly believing the words I had just said, tears began to fill my eyes once more.

"Yes" he said solomnly, looking down at the floor "If we'd have known how little time we had, maybe we could have got to Greg, before"

I tried hard to compose myself. " Please" I argued "dont blame yourself, I and my children owe you our lifes, and for that I will be forever grateful...thankyou"

He gazed back up to me, surprise etched all over his face "You dont have to thank me, Bella" he mused "and besides I didn't do it on my own"

"Edward" I asked "is he ok?"

"He's fine, the explosion knocked you both to the ground but he wasn't hurt...He's here if you want to speak to him"

"Yes" I muttered "that would be nice"

With that Dr Cullen left the room, a few minutes he returned with Edward. I looked at him and instantly I noticed that his eyes looked different, they wasn't as black as when I had seen them before, now they seemed to have a kind of golden glow to them, they didn't appear full of hate this time either, this time they looked kind and compassionate. My heart started fluttering slightly faster than normal and the machines increasive beeping was giving me away.

"I hear you saved my life" I gushed, smiling at him. He turned his head to one side and gave me a little grin. Blood came rushing to my cheeks again, I looked at him slightly embarrassed.

"So I heard" he replied sarcastically, his smile suddenly spreading wide from cheek to cheek. "So" he said trying to change the subject "How do you feel?"

"Numb" I admitted, I found it strange that I was been so honest to a virtual stranger, but I found It hard not to tell him anything other than the truth.

Out of nowhere tears began filling my eyes, I tried to compose myself.

"Are you alright?" he asked, concerned. I could feel rage bubbling up in me,and I was about to burst.

"No" I yelled at him "I am not alright, I've lost him and he's not coming back, he's left me here alone, how am i going to take care of the kids without him?"

"You wont be alone" he countered calmly "Renee's here and Charlie and Sue will be there for you and Ben and Beth"

"You dont understand" I was screaming hysterically at him by now "They have lost their father, and I am going to have to be strong for them, day after day and I dont know if I can do it?. I've lost him too and Im expected to carry on like nothings happened"

"Sorry" he looked at me with genuine worry in his eyes, it appeared for a split second like he was instinctivly reaching out his hand to me, but quickly changed his mind and moved his arm back to his side "I didn't mean to upset you, shall I leave?"

"No" I replied instantly "Its not your fault, you dont even know me.I shouldn't have shouted at you I'm sorry".

His expression changed back to playful grin. "Oh by the way" he announced "sorry about crashing into your car before, I guess I must have got distracted by something" he glared at me chuckling to himself under his breath "anyway I was so rude for driving off like that, would you permit me to get it repaired for you?"

"Oh, dont worry about it, its only a tiny dent in the bumper, nothing major or anything"

He looked at me annoyed "Well if you need anything, anything at all, would you let me help you?"

"Maybe" I frowned back at him. Suddenly not knowing what came over, I moved towards him, pain began cascading over me like a waterfall and I winced slightly. A pained expression flushed across his face, almost like he could feel my pain physically, as much as me and instantly he was stood in the doorway.

"Are you leaving?" I asked

"Yes" he replied solomnly.

"Wait" I enunciated " I just wanted to say thank you, I would not be here now if it wasn't for you and your family" I paused " I guess I owe you one?"

He looked at me slightly confused and laughed "I guess you do" He continued, tone changing suddenly into frustration "but you may come to regret that decision." and with that glided out of the room.


	6. Chapter 6 : The funeral

Three days later it was the day of Gregs funeral, I was allowed out of hospital and if I survived today in one piece, I would be allowed to go home on the provision that I had complete bed rest for at least a week.

Renee had moved into the house and had insisted to the doctors that she would be able to look after me, I wasn't so sure, after all I had spent most of my youth looking after her, but as long as I didn't have to go back to the hospital thats fine with me. I needed to be as close as I could be to Beth and Ben at the moment, for their sakes as well as my own.

My stomach ached as Charlie slowly helped me into the car, it had never seemed quite real before, what had happened, as it was all over with so fast, I couldn't get to grips how quickly it all seemed to happen, _snatched away from us in an instant_ I thought. Tears welled in my eyes and I was beginning to lose control completely. _I must be strong _I told myself desperately, trying to stop the onslaught that was overcoming me.

Charlie drove me home to get changed before the funeral. As we drove up the drive, my stomach dropped, _could I still live here without Greg_? I wondered. I walked slowly upto the door and Renee threw it open "Welcome home, sweetie" she wrapped her arms around me, squeezing me carefully.

I couldn't hold it in any longer, I began weeping relentlessly, my legs started to wobble and Renee and Charlie quickly grabbed hold of me and helped me through the door, they carried me to the sofa in the corner and placed my gently down on it. Renee rushed over, sat on the empty seat next to me and stroked my arm.

"what am I gonna do, Mom?" I sobbed "he's gone, he's gone and he's not coming back. How am I going to carry on without him?"

"Bella, honey I will be here for you as long as you need me" she gently grabbed my tear stained face,cupping it in her palms, wiped away the tears and turned my head to face hers, "I know it may seem hopeless at the moment, but..." she sighed "you have two beautiful, wonderful children here, who right now need their Mom more than ever."

With that I looked over to see Beth sat cross-legged on the floor. Her face was damp and eyes sore from crying, I instinctively held my arms open wide and she came bounding towards me, Ben flew out from around the back of the sofa and joined Beth into my waiting arms. They both began to cry and overwhelmed, so did I "Its o.k, Mommys here now" I repeated softly to them, trying to stay strong but quietly inside my heart was breaking.

We sat there for a while hugging and crying, until Charlie quietly reminded me that I had to get ready, as the funeral was only an hour away. Beth and Ben prised themselves away from my embrace and Renee whisked me upstairs to get a shower and dressed. I walked into the bathroom in a daze, Renee turned the shower on, warming it up for me. Feeling weak, I stumbled trying to get into the shower, Renee grabbed me, sat me down in the tub and began washing my hair and body, as I just sat there, motionless, staring at the wall comatose. When she was finished, she helped me out of the bath and wrapped a towel tightly around me, then she guided me out of the bathroom and into the bedroom.

As soon as she opened the door, raging emotion swept over me, as I glanced around all I could see was Greg everywhere, his clothes strewn over the floor where he had left them, His watch placed on the dresser, Stands of his mousey-blonde hair pertruding out of the hairbrush, It seemed like everyway I looked held another reminder or memory. I couldn't take it, this is just too hard. Tears rolled down my eyes and I glared helplessly at her "I cant do it" I complained, the pain clear in my eyes. Sensing her mistake she quickly closed the door and escourted me to Beths room, I sat on her bed and waited, in a flash, she was back clothes in hand and began dressing me, careful not to knock my already delicate stomach. I looked at myself in the mirror, hardly recognising the person staring back at me, all withered and drawn, my face looked gaunt, I looked down and noticed I was wearing a long black dress. Renee had began to gently brush my hair, brown locks were falling around my face and suddenly, without warning, the fear embraced me, tearing through me like a tornado. I was about to say goodbye to my one and only love, the one person I had ever been close to, the only one who I had ever embraced passionatly, the man I had been married to for ten years, the father of my children. I clung on tightly to Beths bed, _I dont want to say goodbye _I thought to myself, _he wouldn't just leave me here alone, to do this all by myself, would he?_. I knew deep down though, that I was only deluding myself.

Charlie had rushed up the stairs and was looking at me now, trying to keep me as calm as possible "The cars here now" he whispered gravely "we really have to go". Renee brushed my arm once again and I instantly stood up and followed them downstairs and out of the house to the waiting car.

When we got there, scores of people were stood around outside chatting solomnly to one another. I could see Gregs parents Dina and Paul,stood near the church doors, devestation clear apon their faces, they looked at me sympathectically and I walked slowly over to them.

"I am so sorry" I uttered to them, not knowing what else to say. They grabbed hold of me and gave me a hug.

"Oh Bella, whatever are you apologising for" Dina said soothingly "it wasn't your fault, it was an accident... a terrible,terrible accident" with that Dinas eyes began welling up, as did mine and we sobbed in each others arms.

Before I knew it, it was time. Everybody filed solomnly around his graveside. Beth and Ben stood between me and Renee, each one clinging on tightly to my hands.

As soon as the minister began the service, I burst into floods of tears, I simply couldn't keep it inside any longer, the grief I had been trying to suppress every since it had happened launched itself into the forefront of my mind, I was overcome with emotion.

As the service came to a close I had found myself collapsed into a heap on the floor beside his grave, still weeping, the tears were showing no sign of stopping, my face was red and blotchy, my eyes were stinging, I could no longer breathe through my nose and my dress was sodden from the floods of tears that had dripped off the end of my face and onto the material. Beth and Ben were still next to me, sat on the ground beside me, clasping onto my hands tightly, their faces buried into my dress, sobbing.

Charlie helped me and the kids off the ground, one at a time and began guilding me back slowly, to the waiting car, I twisted my head back, taking one last look around the cemetery and there, right at the edge of the road Edward stood, along with Carlilse and Esme, I stared at him momentary and he stared back, and for the instant we stared at each other the pain of what was happening was gone, and I felt strangely warm, even a slight feeling of butterflies briefly entered my stomach.

I turned my head away, ashamed._ How could I be so callous? I should be devestated _I thought _I've just had to bury my husband_. I was disgusted with myself, a waft of betrayal washed over me, and as quickly as the feeling had come, it was gone again and I was distraught once more.

As everyone stood around in my garden after the service I didn't know what to do, I couldn't face talking to people right now, _what would I say?. _So I sat on the doorstep, staring into the grey, overcast sky for what felt like hours. As it started to get dark, stars began filling the night sky and people started reminiscing with old stories about Greg, quirky things he would say or do. Suddenly, compelled to share my memories too, I got up and walked towards the gathered crowd, briefly glancing at each and everyone of their faces as I moved, Renee, Charlie, Sue, Dina, Paul, Gregs work colleagues, Carlisle , Esme, Edward. I smiled at them all warmly, cleared my throat and began "I would like to say a few words about my husband Greg" everybody instantly broke away from their conversations and glared at me, the place fell suddenly silent.

I stood there quietly looking at all these people, nervousness becoming me only for a moment, I cleared my throat once again and continued " Greg was a wonderul man, a kind, loving husband and a wonderful father. He was one of a kind and the worlds a sadder place bacause he's no longer in it" I paused, wiping the tears from my eyes "anyone who knew Greg will never forget him, because he touched people in so many different ways" I took a deep breath "and I for one, will never forget the last thing he said to me" I began to choke, but I had to carry on " he had bought me a dress and some shoes as a surprise, for the party we were going to, and the last thing he did was turn to me and tell me how beautiful I looked...and then". The whole day spun before my eyes and I began to wobble again, and I could feel myself falling to the ground, out of nowhere Edward appeared and caught me gently in his arms. His embrace was strangly cold, but I did not care.

"Thank you" I said to him dazed "I guess, I owe you one again" I insisted.

"Another" he chuckled quietly, " how are you ever going to be able to repay me?"

"I know" I whispered to him "well, you did say if I ever needed anything, you would help me?"

"Yes" he replied

"You're obviously my angel" I said, hesistantly and he looked at me bewildered "so, do you think you can keep me out of trouble for a while?"

HIs expression changed back to that wonderful playful grin "I dont know" He muttered "keeping you safe looks like it might be a full time job...but whatever the lady wants" he laughed to himself.

I smiled back at him, with my tear stained face and he slowly helped me back off the ground.


End file.
